I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
