if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
