She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
