I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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