She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.