My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes