so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS