In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.