I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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