you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
