Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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