If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You made out with two different species that night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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