Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just forgot I was standing up.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
