Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
