Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
