He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
