I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
