dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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