South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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