i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
