What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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