I must be too annoying 4 u.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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