My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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