the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
