Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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