Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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