i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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