...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
