Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
