I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.