I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
