Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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