i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
