My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER