Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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