i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."