just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?