mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES