It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.