Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
