When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
