i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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