so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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