I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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