If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
