The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
