It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
