We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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