I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
