So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Alive.
So much puke
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
