I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No subtext here. People are naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
