wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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