roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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