He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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