im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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