i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
