I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will be naked everywhere
This baby is an asshole
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
