from now on my penis is your penis
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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