his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
