You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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