Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
