I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
