I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
