even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize