She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
