okay pat passed out under dana's car
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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