Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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