i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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