didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
