can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
